Crazed
by AnnoyingAnna
Summary: Frozen was Anna's version of what happened. After watching the movie, an outraged Elsa sent the account of what really happened to fanfiction. WARNING: Some nasty words here and there...
1. Sweet Childhood

Elsa slept peacefully on her bed, dreaming of blizzards, ice cream and everything cold. Her dream was interrupted when her little sister, Anna, performed a perfect diving elbow drop on her.

"Uff! Damn it, Anna! Stop doing that! And go back to sleep!"

Her sister didn't listen. Now perched on top of her, she started slapping her head rhythmically, playing a decent percussion of the Hakuna-mattata song.

"But the sky's awake! So I'm awake so we have to play!"

"Go play by yourself!" Elsa tried to shove her sister off of her but it was a maneuver used way too many times. Anna was ready for it and she caught her arm in two surprisingly strong tiny fists. She twisted it sharply behind her back. "OW! Anna!" Anna dragged her to the side of the bed and jumped back. She made a crazy flip in the air to land safely on top of her. "Uff! Agh! Stop!"

"Yey!" Anna yowled in glee, running down the halls as fast as her chubby legs could take her. It was surprisingly fast, more so considering she was dragging her bigger sister along by an ankle.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! MAMA! PAPA!" Elsa shrieked bloody murder. They reached the stairs faster than usual. Her teeth clattered as her body bounced on the stairs. "OHHOHOHOHOHOWW! OW, AHHHH!"

"YEYYY!"

* * *

It was a serious matter to give the heir to the throne a concussion, sister or not, and so Anna spent a week in a Youth Detention Facility. When she returned, Elsa felt so guilty that she played with her all day in the snow.

"Hey, Anna? Do you wanna build a snowman?"

"Oh, yey!" Anna clasped excitedly "Yes, yes!"

Elsa picked her sister up and threw her gently on a small snowbank. Her sister disappeared in the snow with a dry thud. She kicked and slapped her way out, laughing merrily. Elsa laughed too until Anna tackled her and made her smack her head on the ice.

"Ow! Anna!"

* * *

Elsa soon learnt that Wicked resemblances didn't stop at Idina Menzel's voicing her. In the Frozen Universe, no good deed goes unpunished either. Thanks to her little joke, Anna learnt _ice ball_ and every time Elsa refused to play, that little menace chased her around the castle to throw snowballs at her; usually in the face. At first, it was just annoying but as the snow balls grew bigger and Anna's aiming improved, Elsa begged her parents to wed her off to some prince in a faraway tropical kingdom.

They didn't but after Anna used a kiddy-sized battery propelled bulldozer to drop several pounds of snow on a sleeping Elsa, they moved her to a different room in the far end of the castle.

"It's funny how some distance, makes everything seem small!

And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all!"

Elsa sang, dancing in her new room.

"It's time to be at peace, to just relax and sleep through the night!

No bitch-slaps, no more snowballs, no sudden shouts in my ear!

I'M FREE!"

The knock on the door startled her out of her pajamas.

"Elsa? Do you want to build a snowman? Come on, let's go and play!"

"Go away, Anna!"

"Okay, bye…"

Elsa sighed. She couldn't relax again and so she approached the window to admire the fiord. A snowball exploded against the glass and she jumped back with a shriek. She approached again to see what happened.

Anna was standing in the patio, smiling at her with another ball in her gloved hand. She waved amicably at her. Elsa flipped her the middle finger and shut the curtains close.


	2. A ballroom with no balls!

Joy! My first reviews!

**JayXNitro:** I approve.

**Eriphabottackson:** That does sound better…I stole it. WHAHAHAHahh…X-)

**Santamadre:** Yes.

**Guest:** Moon Moon…I'm stealing that too.

* * *

As it must on a Disney movie, the King and Queen died; incidentally, in the sea to make it fast and clean. And so, we rejoin our heroines in coronation day. Elsa was forced to stand in front of the throne while the guests danced, ate and speak without making a sound, as background characters must. Anna was next to her…wild-eyed and shaking.

"…Anna, are you okay?"

"Yes, amfinewhy?" Her sister whirled around, smiling like the fucking Joker. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod! This's so exciting!"

"Yes…yes, it is…how much chocolate did you have?"

"Oh, Idon'tknowbutthecookwasreallymad'causehesaid…" Breathe intake "…somethingabouteatingeverythingforthepartyaAHAHHAHGAHAGAHA! I'mgonnahavehimbehaded!"

"How about you drink some wine…or you go outside…and you get lost?"

"Your Majesty. The Duke of Weaseltown."

"Your Majesty, as your closest partner in trade, it seems only fitting that I offer you your first dance as Queen…"

"SHEDOESN'TDANCE!"

Anna rushed at the Duke and dragged him to the dance floor. The poor old fart wailed for help as she flung him around like a rag doll. The Higher Powers finally had mercy on his soul and something more interesting wandered into Anna's camp of sight. Unfortunately, she released him in mid swing and the Duke was flung across the room. He slammed head-first on a wall and broke his neck…because he's a greedy annoying bastard.

Anna tackled some random hot-guy in the crowd and jumped out the window, shattering the glass. She was back before Elsa had time to relax. Her hair was a mess and there was chocolate fudge smeared all over her face. The previously addressed gigolo was still attached to her hand. There were hickeys all over his neck and lipstick on his face. His fancy suit was shredded in places but he looked quite content.

"Elsa!" Anna said, seemly terrified. "I think I'm pregnant!"

"WHAT?!"

"We just kissed so much and so hard…!"

"…Anna, you can't get pregnant by just kissing…"

"But his twelve brothers were also there!"

"My Lady…" Hans said, placing a comforting hand on Ann's hand. "If I may impregnate you…"

"Hey, no!" Elsa snapped at him. "No, you may not. And I think you should leave…You ate my CAKE, didn't you?" Anna's eyes darted about the room. She shook her head…way too fast. "Okay, that's it. The party's over. Close the gates!"

"What?! No! Elsa, come on! It's going to be open bar at midnight!" Anna wailed.

Her sister ignored her and so she slapped her sharply on the back of the head. Elsa whirled around and slapped her back. They slapped clumsily at each other for several seconds until the Princess nailed the Queen in the nose with a fist.

"OW!"

"Ups!" Anna said. She had forgotten this wasn't a fight with some dude in the street.

"Go fuck yourself, Anna…" Elsa whimpered, holding a bloody nose. Then she turned, trying to leave with the dignity she had left.

"Yes, that's what I always do, Elsa!" Anna wailed back, openly crying now. "And now that I have the chance to have an orgy you ruin it for me! Why do you have to be such a bitch?!"

"Enough, Anna…"

"No! I wanna know! What's the problem with you? Huh? What's the problem with you? Huh!? HUH!?"

"I said enough!"

Elsa whirled around and her mutant powers manifested for the first time! Ice shot from her hand, forming a barrier of spikes between her and everyone else.

"Mutant!" Anna shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at her sister. "Witch!"

The crowd glared at the stunned Elsa and some guests rushed to break the glasses of the In Case of Revolt emergency cases pinned to the walls. The-presumably- ex Queen of Arendelle rushed out of the castle with an angry mob behind, torches, tridents and all!

Hans and Anna stayed behind. He was staring in shock at her.

"What? She slapped me!"

"You slapped her first!"

"Yeah, well…don't worry. She runs fast. The mob'll get bored before they get her and then I'll go get her back!...Come on! The bar's open!"

Hans scratched his head. Maybe he should try to marry someone else…


End file.
